Yamucha really wished he had a horse. Oh, sure, arriving in a cloud of dust, framed by the late afternoon sun was impressive any way you did it, especially for such a ruggedly handsome specimen as himself. But there was just something about the rhythmic clapping of hooves against the sun-baked desert sand that was somehow more romantic than the tinny whizzing of his Jet-squirrel. Not that live conveyance doesnt have its drawbacks as well, he thought to himself, mucking out a stalls full of manure would definitely not be conducive to my image as Desert Bandit.
He put these thoughts out of his head as he leapt from his transport to stand, no loom (loom sounds better, he thought to himself) over the shrimp and the piglet. *Greetings! * He tossed his unruly mane and smirked at them, flashing perfect, white teeth.
*Who are you? * Goku frowned up at him curiously.
*I dont think I wanna know, * mumbled his companion.
Well Im gonna tell you anyway, pork-rind, he thought. Aloud he said, *Me? Im the King Hyena in a land of scavengers. The name is Yamucha. * He loved it when his prey asked him this. It took him long enough to come up with this speech, that it would be a shame if he didnt get to say it. *I dont usually prey on babies, so hand over all your money and capsules and I wont have to hurt you. *
Goku glanced a Yamucha, and then directed a comment to a spot of desert behind him. *Wow! Howd you do that? You moved so fast I didnt even see it! *
Yamucha put his hands on his hips and started laughing, *Come on, kid, I know youre desperate, but you dont really expect me to fall for that old trick, do you? *
Goku blinked up innocently, *What trick? * Oolong decided to sneak away while the outlaw was distracted with his unlucky, spiky-haired companion.
*Thats enough of that. Come one, hand over your valuables. * Yamucha held out his hand impatiently.
*Is he the one, Vegeta-Sama? * said a gruff voice from somewhere behind Yamucha.
He whirled to face him, or , more accurately, them. *What? Where did you come from? * There were three of them, all of them wearing various combinations of rubber and spandex with some weird headphone-and-colored-plastic apparatuses strapped to their heads.
The smallest of the three strange men was no older than Yamucha himself, appearing to be about 16 or 17, though he was much smaller and more delicate-looking. His gravity-defying hair was possibly the largest thing about him. *Nappa, you idiot! Do you think all earthlings have tails? * His voice was somewhat grating. It had a petulant whiny tone and seemed to be on the verge of cracking. Such are the joys of puberty.
Nappa made a disgusted face, *Earthlings dont have tails? *
Vegeta glared up at the enormous man with the Mohawk, but did not reply, instead he turned to his not-quite-as -large companion, *Well, Raditz, dont you think its time for a heart-felt family reunion? *
*I think its long overdue, Ouji-Sama. * Raditz appeared to be about twenty years old, and was undoubtedly the most striking in appearance. Though he was not possessed of unusual height like his cohorts, being that he was neither incredibly short or incredibly tall, his hair was so extraordinary that many of his enemies gaped at it, even as they drew a final breath. It spiked upwards and then fell in layered chunks to the backs of his knees. The effect was really quite hedgehog-like.
*Well, youd better hurry before the brat gets away.* Vegeta nodded his pointy head towards the young boy in the blue gi who was currently wandering away.
Goku had just remembered that prior to the arrival of these four weirdos, he had been on his way to find something for dinner. He made a mental note not to bring back either wolf or centipede, because that funny Bulma-girl would have another screaming fit, and it really didnt feel good on his ears when she did that. He got about two steps when he collided with something. Something big. Something that hadnt been there a second ago. Slackjawed, he tilted his head, almost comically back but did not speak.
*So we meet again at last. Youve grown some. I recognize you, though, Kakarrot.* Raditz smiled coldly at the smaller male.
*Ka- Ka-karrot..?* Goku furrowed his brow. *Whats that? Can you eat it?* he asked hopefully
*No! Baka! Thats your name! What have you been doing here all these years? Your mission was to terminate all life on this planet, so why havent you carried it out?*
*What does termy-nate mean?* Goku scratched his nose.
*Whats wrong with you, Kakarrot!? Are you brain-damaged? Were you hit on the head or something?*
Goku put his hand on the back of his head and grinned, * I get hit on thhead all the time. Its okay though, nothings harder than my head!*
*Well put. Raditz sneered. You idiot! You forgot your own name?*
*Nu-uh, my names Son Goku. Grampa even taught me how to spell it! S-O-N- K-U-G Uh, nine twelve *
*Shut up! Raised by an earthling!? What a joke! Its time you learned about your heritage, Kakarrot.* He emphasized the last word. *You were born on Vegeta-Sei. You are a space fighter, a Saiya-jin warrior just like me. Allow me to introduce myself; I am Raditz, Your big brother. We had important clients who were looking for a planet just like this one, it was your job to get it ready for them to take over, but you obviously forgot your mission. We lost those clients because you took too long to make this planet suitable for habitation.* It was then that Raditz realized that his brother was not listening to a word he was saying, instead he was staring very intently at
*Ya know, with this stretchy thing you got on makes it real easy to tell Youre a guy, right?* Goku was looking inordinately pleased with himself for this discovery.
Raditz twitched, *H-how could you possibly mistake me for a woman!?*
*Well, the hair kinda threw me off, cuz usually its girls who got long hair, but they also got bits missin an I can see you got yours.* He replied, oblivious to the large mans ire.
Raditz fell over in shock.
*Yamucha-sama!* Puar squeaked as he wrapped himself around Yamuchas ankle, * I dont like these guys!*
*Dont worry about them,* He replied dismissively, *Ill take care of them.* He placed his hands on his hips and addressed the three spandex-wearing intruders, *You! Youre trespassing on the property of Yamucha, The Desert Bandit! Leave now, and I wont be forced to hurt you!*
The one they called Vegeta-Sama finally cracked a smile, *What do you say, Nappa? Should we consider ourselves warned?*
*Hm.* Nappa snickered, *These earthlings are stupider than they look.* He smoothed his moustache with his index finger and glanced over at the fallen Raditz, *It seems that lower-class moron is having difficulties with his infant brother. Should we help him subdue the whelp, Vegeta-Sama?*
Vegeta shook his head, *Im sure he can manage that.* He gestured toward Yamucha, * Id much rather teach this guy a lesson.* He fiddled with the device on his head and started laughing. *Nappa, look at his power reading.* To the taller teenager he said, *Are you sure you want to challenge us?*
Yamucha didnt reply, but merely drew his sword and waited. He knew that the setting sun was behind him, which gave him the double benefit of obscuring his opponents vision and ensuring that he cut a really impressive silhouette.
*Would you like me to take care of him?* Nappa cracked his knuckles.
*No. Our trip to earth has left me feeling restless, and a little exercise is just what I need.* He rechecked his scouters reading, *too bad he wont even be enough to warm me up.*
*That sure of yourself? Youre awfully confident for such a little guy.* Yamucha adjusted his fighting stance. *Bring it on.*
He didnt even get the chance to eek out that last syllable before he was being suspended by his throat, staring eye-to-eye with the spiky-haired menace. His first illogical thought was that Vegeta must be standing on a stepladder, otherwise how would he have been tall enough to hold Yamucha like that?
*Youre supposed to be a fighter? Youre pathetic.* Vegeta hit him in the face, it was a mere flick of the wrist to him, but Yamuchas head rocked sideways violently emitting a spray of spittle.
*Yamucha-sama!* Puar cried hysterically, *Put him down, you bully!* even Oolong had never been this bad.
*I think I do quite well for a *little guy,* dont you agree?* He asked his sputtering adversary, *Well? Not talking?* He hit him again, buffeting his head to the other side. This time Yamucha spat more blood than saliva.
Vegeta dropped the larger boy and he hit the sand with a muffled thud.
Looking up with one good eye, and one that was rapidly swelling shut, Yamuchas only coherent thought was, *Flying. So thats how that little squirt did it.*
*I was right about him.* Vegeta made a small noise of disgust, *Not even enough to bother with.* He extended his right arm with his palm flat, fingers pointing up, and aimed it at his fallen challenger. *Any last words, punk?* He tucked his thumb against the flesh of his palm, preparing to blast him.
Yamucha painfully got to his feet grasping the sword he had somehow dropped in the confusion, *Im not finished with you.* He slurred around his swollen face and jaw.
*Arent you?* He smirked, *You have to know by now that you are hopelessly outclassed.*
Yamucha resumed his fighting stance.
*Maybe this is going to be more fun than Id anticipated.* This time it was Vegetas turn to wait for Yamucha to make the first move. Yamucha rushed at him, ignoring the pain in his face and neck, with his sword flashing in the red evening sun. Somewhere in the back of his mind Vegeta noted the boys impressive skill with the sword. It was almost a pity that he was so embarrassingly feeble.
Admittedly, Yamucha was fast, but having the benefit of coming from a planet where the gravity was ten times what it is on earth, Vegeta was faster. And a pithy slice of metal was nowhere near enough to injure a third-class Saiya-jin, much less the prince. He caught the blade with one hand, not even bothering to take his eyes off his opponent, and tore it from his grasp.
*Not bad for such an inferior species.* Vegeta taunted as he bent the tip of the sword back to the hilt. He threw the now-useless bit of tin onto the earth. The sand made a dry biting sound against the metal as it scraped across the surface of the desert.
His sword having failed him, Yamucha tried a different approach, *Fist of the Wolfs Fang!* He cried, lunging for Vegeta. Somehow his hands became entangled in some kind of furry rope, and he couldnt break free. No, rope was not a good analogy, it was more like a steel cable covered with some kind of soft pelt.
Vegeta hauled him up by his wrists, and Yamucha was once again suspended in the air. This time Vegeta used his tail, ensuring that both of his hands were free. He began hitting the long-haired human, not hard enough to kill him, just hard enough for him to make the guttural, choked-off pain noises that Vegeta loved to hear. *Had enough, boy?*
This time the blood spewing from between Yamuchas lips was not from his mouth. It came from his stomach and lungs and Kami-knows where else. He didnt want to think about it. *Get out of* he interrupted himself with a series of wet, racking coughs, * Out of my territory.*
*You just dont know when to give in, do you?* Vegeta tossed him with a flick of his tail. Hed only meant to throw him a few feet, but he wasnt used to this planets sorry excuse for gravity, so the other boy went rolling into the shade of a rocky outcrop.
A few seconds later the semi-silence was pierced with a discordant, high-pitched scream.
Nappa laughed, *He screams like a woman.*
Yamucha was surprised that his landing was relatively painless, either the rocks were getting softer, or he was in shock already. He couldnt figure out what that shrieky, whistling noise was, or why it was right next to his ear. He cracked open his one good eye to determine exactly what his situation was and came face-to-face with the most horrible thing in the universe. More horrible than undersized, monkey-tailed sadists. It was a girl, a pretty girl. And he was laying right on top of her. As if things couldnt get any worse.
A moment ago Yamucha would have sworn that nothing on earth could get him to move of his own volition. With this new development, he found that, not only could he get to his feet in less than a second, but he could also run, which he did, stopping only to grab his cat, who was flying around like a demon-possessed piņata. He leapt onto his jet squirrel and was gone faster than most people would consider humanly possible.
*It figures hed run away once he realized that he had no hope of even posing a challenge to a warrior as great as yourself, Ouji-Sama.* Nappa said , almost beatifically.
*What have I told you about kissing up, Nappa?*
*I apologize, Ouji-Sama.*
Vegeta once again extended his arm to blast Yamucha. He knew he had to make it quick before his rapidly fleeing form disappeared in the distance, and such a pathetic enemy was not worth hunting for, even if he had insulted Vegeta-Samas height.
*What on earth is going on here?* A blue-haired beauty stumbled out from under the canopy of rocks where she had been napping, *First theres so much noise out here I can hardly sleep, then some bloody, swollen boy falls on me, and then* she trailed off into silence upon noticing the three bizarre males. One of the men was laying prone on the ground (at least she thought it was a male, it was hard to tell under all of that hair) being poked by a crouching Goku.
Vegeta jerked his head sideways to face the new arrival, forgetting all about killing Yamucha. He glared intently, cursing his carelessness. Missing the presence of even one more person was a mistake that could get him killed. *This one moves strangely,* He thought to himself, *Theres something odd about him.*
*Wha-Whats going on here?* Bulma reiterated.
Vegeta tapped his scouter, attempting to get a power reading for the blue-haired youth. *A power level of 2?* He smiled to himself and wondered if this one planned to fight him as well.
*Hey, Bulma!* Goku stood up and waved at her, *I told ya Im not weird.* He pointed at the three Saiya-jin, *See? They got tails too!* he grinned triumphantly.
*Huh?* Bulma blinked in abject confusion. *All right, someone tell me whats going on RIGHT NOW!* She demanded, *Who just fell on me? And who is that guy youre poking? And*
*You figured out he was a guy too?* Goku interrupted, as Raditz, realizing the indignity of his position, leapt to his feet. *From all the way over there? You musta been really looking!*
*Quit fooling around, Goku, and answer me! Are these guys friends of yours or what?*
*UhGoku looked around at the three of them, including a now-standing Raditz, Nah, I just met em.*
Raditz rapped on Gokus skull with his knuckles, *You idiot! Werent you listening to a word I said?*
*No.*
*And wheres Oolong?* she put her hands on her hips and tapped her foot petulantly.
*You mean the pig?* Nappa snickered, pointing to a spot to the right of Bulma *He thinks hes hiding behind that rock.*
Bulma cocked her head to the side and looked in the indicated direction, and , true to form, Oolongs trembling bottom could be seen peeping out over a large rock.
Oolong stood up, but didnt move from behind the barrier, *Well Uh, Goku seems to have the situation under controlso I think Ill go check on the car.* He started backing away from them trepidatiously.
*Oolong, we dont have a car. You take one more step and Ill..SWEE SWEE!*
*No! Anything but that! Im sorry! Ill stay!*
She crossed her arms, *Hm. Thats what I thought.*
*Wow. Shes mean.* Raditz remarked, impressed.
*Tell me about it.* Goku replied.
Vegeta glanced at Raditz, *She?* he thought, *Of course! That explains everything.* It had been almost six years since hed seen a humanoid female close up. On most planets the fighters were all male, and cities were destroyed from a distance. It would only stand to reason that he would forget what females looked like.
*Now, which one of you is going to tell me WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!?* She screeched and stomped her sneaker-clad foot.
*You think you can give us orders?* Nappa grinned and advanced toward her, stopping when he was less than a foot away, *Well, girl?*
She crossed her arms and looked up at him, *Well what? Are you going to explain yourself or not?*
He put a hand on her arm, his grin intensifying, *Lets see how much you feel like bossing me around when Im through with you.*
*off!* He lifted her up by that arm, *Let go, you JERK! OW!*
*Hey!* Goku pounced on Nappa, and thwapped him on the head with his nyoi-bo. When this had no effect, he proceeded to attack him with a barrage of punches and kicks. *Didnt anyone ever tell ya that youre s posed to be nice to girls?*
Goku bounded back up towards Bulmas gargantuan antagonist. *Let her go, you big meany!*
*Goku, HELP!* Bulma screamed, kicking her legs.
Nappa laughed smugly at her feeble struggles. *What do you think that third-class whelp could do to me?*
Goku doubled his effort to injure that big ugly bully and free Bulma until Raditz came up behind him and picked him up by wrapping an arm around his waist. *Come on, Kakarrot, leave Nappa and let him have his fun before you get hurt.*
*No! Lemme go!* With the uncannily wiry dexterity possessed by all children, he managed to wriggle free from his much-stronger brothers grasp and resumed his attack on the Saiya-jin elite.
*Raditz!* snarled Nappa, *Control the kid or Ill break the bastards neck!* He turned his attention back to the struggling girl he was holding, *He almost made me forget what I was doing.*
This time Raditz grabbed his unruly brother by the tail, paralyzing him.
Vegeta observed this incident without comment for several minutes. *Nappa!* He barked, *Let her go.* He gave a half-smile, *I think she may become useful.* Vegeta swallowed once, trying to force the uneasiness he was feeling to go away. He didnt know what was wrong with him. He hadnt reacted in any way to violence against another person since his childhood, when Frieza made him observe, and eventually participate in, the torture of prisoners and those who fell out of Friezas favor. 
